The Hardest Thing I Ever Did
by Wings of Speed
Summary: Chapter 9 up...very sad, box of tissues is recommended, maybe the last chapter...I'm not sure yet, depends on my mood in a few days, weeks, months....R&R as always, thanks
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : I own nothing other than the plot and the story.

A/N : This is my take on 'The Letter' that Kimberly sent Tommy and the reasons behind it. I believe it may be an original idea, but if not I'm sorry if I've stepped on a few toes, I didn't mean to take anyone else's idea. I've talked with Starry Nights about the idea and she liked it and also told me she'd never read anything else like it yet so hopefully no one else out there has either.

A/N : Oh, by the way, this first chapter will by from Kim's point of view, I don't know how I'll do the later chapters if they'll stay from her point of view or if I'll go with other's also. I guess we'll all just wait and see. Hope you enjoy the story, and as always R&R! Thanks!

A/N : Time range is somewhere around 10 years after Kim left. Ages are around 26 to 28, I may be off on this and if so I'm sorry but it's been a long time since I've watched PR's so that's my excuse. Just hang with me on this, please! Oh, and one last thing, (I think maybe)…Kim made it to the Pan Global Games, but she did poorly…no one asked her why and she never offered an explanation why. You'll find out later though.

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 1

__

Home, after so long. I thought as I stared around the busy airport. _It's been way to long…to long since I've faced any of them. What are they going to think? Tommy never asked anything about the letter during the Divatox mess, nor after. He had way too much on his mind at the time, then again so did I. The memories were starting to come back then, very slowly. There is still so much that I don't remember…_

"Kimberly!" I heard someone shout out from the crowd. I looked up and met the eyes of my best friends, Trini and Jason. _Though they knew something terrible had happened during that period of my life, they never pried, never asked me anything about the letter or what happened then…what had happened to turn me away from the man I loved once more than life itself._

__

I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell anyone what happened that one disastrous day so many years ago. It was a changing point in my life, and I haven't been the same since. I'll never be the same.

"Hi Kim, it's good to see you." Jason was just saying. I noticed the wedding band on his left hand and smiled. I'd missed their wedding, they weren't mad. They understood. "Are you going to be staying in Angel Grove long?"

"Actually, yeah I am." I said and looked from one set of midnight eyes to the other. Trini squealed in delight and rushed towards me for a hug. I flinched but didn't pull away.

"How long?" Trini was asking.

"I'm not sure," I answered. "Indefinitely." I smiled at her then Jason weakly. "I was kind of hoping you guys wouldn't mind me crashing with you till I can find a place."

Trini smiled even bigger, if that was at all possible. "Of coarse you can!" she exclaimed. "Indefinitely? Exactly how long are you planning on staying Kim?" she asked.

"Um," I tried not to show the trepidation that had suddenly besieged me. "I'm moving back."

"Really?" she looked at me confusedly. "Did something happen in Florida?"

__

A long time ago, I thought. "No, I just got bored with the scenery." I lied. I was being sent to a specialist here in Angel Grove.

"So you're moving back then?" Jason spoke up, I could see the unspoken question shining in his eyes. _Have I talked to Tommy yet?_

"Yes," I answered to his spoken question. _I still don't have the guts to even look at Tommy let alone talk to him. He must think I'm a monster or something far worse. I just couldn't have him worrying about me in the middle of a battle. I would've died if that had happened and known I was the cause of it. I should've seen it coming…_

"Have you talked to Tommy yet? Does he know?" Trini asked very softly.

I looked nervously up at both of them, the answer was there in my face, my eyes, the very way I was standing. "No," I said very softly. _I can't face him, not just yet. I don't remember everything…maybe I never will, or so the doctor's tell me. Six months after it had happened the doctor's told me, if I didn't remember by then I'd probably never remember…A year passed, I went to Angel Grove to help with something there…then the Divatox mess. Some memories started to surge to the surface and it terrified me but I wouldn't let anyone know that. I wouldn't discuss it so they all stayed in the dark, I think Tommy knew something was up, but he never interfered. Jason never asked, I was so glad of that._

How can I explain something I don't really know the whole facts about myself? How can I tell them about what changed my life so dramatically? How can I possibly face Tommy after all these years? How can I even look at myself in the mirror every morning? Honestly I can't most of the time.

"Kim? Kim, are you ok?" Jason asked, breaking me out of my reverie. _No, _I wanted to scream, _I haven't been ok since that fateful day so many years ago. I can't move away from the past, no matter how much I try. I can't forget, no actually I can't remember what happened that day. I wish I could, but I can't._

"Kim?" this time it was Trini, her hand placed on my shoulder as if trying to draw out what was bothering me.

I smiled weakly at her, what more could I do? "I'm fine, just trying to remember." I answered quietly.

"Are you becoming forgetful?" Jason laughed, "You almost sound like Tommy." The laughter died on his lips once he said that. "I'm sorry Kim."

I smiled at him, "It's alright Jase," I said. "No harm done. You don't have to walk around on eggshell with me. I'm a big girl. I'll deal with Tommy when the time comes." _Just hopefully it won't come to soon. I still have to deal with my own inner demons…_I sighed and they both looked at my pitifully. _I don't need your pity, _I wanted to scream. _I don't need your pity but I need your understanding and patience while I try to work through this…If only I hadn't waited so long…If only I had confided in someone those long years ago…I can't change what is in the past but maybe I can help my future out. Maybe I can become friends with Tommy, I don't expect his forgiveness, I can't even forgive myself. I'll understand if he doesn't even want to talk to me, I'll understand everything even though it'll be extremely hard to live through…_

I sighed once again and smiled wearily up at my two best friends. "I'm ready to go home if you are." I said tiredly.

"Ok, the car's out this way, shouldn't we get your bags?" Jase asked.

"Yeah, we should. I didn't bring much though." _I didn't have much to bring besides. _

Trini smiled at me but the smile didn't reach her eyes, I felt dread settle into my stomach. _Something's wrong, but what? _"Um Kim, maybe I should warn you…" she trailed off and I raised my eyebrows in wonder.

"Warn me about what?" I asked, "Does your house look like a disaster area or something?" I tried to joke but neither Trini or Jason cracked a smile. _Time to worry now._

"The gang is coming over tonight."

"Oh…as in everyone?" I asked. _That would mean Tommy then too._

"Yes," Trini answered. "Tommy included. One more thing Kim…" I looked at her, _What else was she going to drop on my shoulders? _"Since you haven't been in touch for such a long while and your letter that you were going to be dropping by kind of caught us all by surprise…well, there's something you need to know about Kat and Tommy."

I looked at her, _I really don't like hearing those two names in the same sentence let alone associated with one another, but I was the one who had left him go, so if he found comfort in Kat, I should be happy. _I was anything but happy.

Well, what do you think? Like it so far, let me know and I'll get the second chapter out a lot sooner. If not, well oh well, I'm still gonna work on the second chapter just don't mean I'm gonna post it for all to read. So you better R&R if you wanna read chapter 2. Thanks!


	2. 2

Disclaimer : General, I don't own a thing other than the story and the plot.

A/N : This will be from Trini's point of view…oh, and as to what happened to Kim, you'll all find out the same time that the rest of the Rangers do…unless you bug me enough then I might let you all know sooner. 

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 2

__

I can see the dread in her eyes, she's terrified of what I'm going to say, I thought as Jason and I led Kim toward the baggage claim. _ It's nothing bad, at least not bad the way she's probably thinking…if only she'd open up to us and tell us what happened down in Florida. Was there actually another guy? I wouldn't hold it against her, I mean she was so far from home and Tommy was so far away…I don't agree with it if she did…but still…_

"Is this all of it?" Jason was just saying. I turned my attention back towards them, _I'd have a lot more time to think this over. Kim would be staying at our place for an undeterminable amount of time…I'll have quite a while to try and get out of her what happened._

"Yeah, that's all." Kim had just answered. _She's never kept secrets from me before…it must've been something major. Maybe there was another guy…would Kim really do that to Tommy? She was so in love with him…I just don't think it's possible._

She turned her chocolate eyes toward me, "Trini, there was something about Kat and Tommy you wanted to tell me…" her voice trailed off. _She's petrified of what I'm going to say, _I realized.

"Yeah," I started to answer. "He and Kat broke up a while ago. If you had made it to the wedding you would've known that." I said pointedly, _I know she had her reasons for not showing, but it still stung. I always thought we'd make it to each other's wedding. I still can't get a straight answer as to why she couldn't make it…_

She suddenly wore a look like someone had slapped her, I felt sorry then for my words. "I already told you Trini I couldn't make it because something very important came up…you know if it hadn't been so important I would've been there." her voice was quiet and low.

I felt really bad for bring it up and the disapproving look I was getting from Jase didn't help any. "I know Kim," I said softly. "I just really wanted my best friend at my wedding, that's all."

"Everyone else made it, didn't they?" she asked. _I knew what the hidden question was there. 'Did Tommy take a date with him?' She's still too stubborn to actually ask what's on her mind._

"Yeah, everyone else was there. Kat brought a guy friend with her, he was really nice. Tommy came by himself…" I paused and waited to see what her reaction would be. She didn't disappoint me, her eyes lit up with hope. _I had thought right, even after all these years she's still carrying a torch for him. _

"The car's out this way, if you have everything you need." Jase was just starting to say as he picked up Kim's two suitcases.

"Yeah, I'm ready." she said and turned to follow him out toward our car. "So Tommy's not seeing anyone now then?" she had asked very quietly as we walked just behind Jase.

I turned toward her, "No he's not. I don't know what his reaction will be when he sees you…" I trailed off thinking. "Kim, you hurt him really bad with that letter…that wasn't like you. What made you really write it to him? I just can't believe you found someone else, you were to deeply in love with him for that to happen." Something passed across her face, guilt or fear-maybe both, I'm just not sure.

She smiled weakly. "Trini, I love you like a sister, but it's just not something I really feel like talking with you about, at least not right now. Maybe later, I just don't know." It was fear, that's what I saw in her eyes, and pain. I believe she regretted deeply what she did to Tommy.

"Alright Kim, I respect your wishes, but you know that if in the future you want to talk about I'm always willing to listen." I told her, she seemed to seriously think about it, what she said next seriously confused me.

"I'd have to remember it first in order to talk to you about it," she said so quietly I almost didn't hear what she said. _What in the hell did she mean by that?_

I looked at her confusedly, "Would you mind clarifying that a little bit?" I asked, completely baffled by what was said.

She looked at me and the pain and guilt was completely offset by the fear. "I can't," she simply said. "Please don't ask me anything further Trini, I just don't think I can deal with it yet." _What in the world had happened for Kim to shut me out this way, she use to be able to tell me anything. Even when she originally had her crush on Tommy, it was me who she came too, now she can't even confide in me about the letter, what happened in Florida to do this to her?_

"Here we are," Jase said as he came to a stop next to our red Grand Prix. Kim eyed it appreciatively. "What do you think?" Jase asked, _The damn car is his pride and joy, he babys it more than he does me…I'll never understand about men and their cars._

"It's nice," Kim was saying. "What year is it anyway?" 

"A 2003," Jase answered. Bright fire engine red, you could see the blasted car coming a mile away and hear it from three miles…men and their cars anyway. _I'll stick with my little yellow beetle bug. Jason still laughs at me till this day about my choice of cars…hmmm, if memory serves me right Kim owned a white Grand Am when she lived in Florida._

"Hey Kim," I started, "What ever happened to that Grand Am you owned?" Her eyes turned dark brown with some strange emotion I'd never seen on her face before…what was it? It almost reminded me of an intense fear.

"Oh," her voice cracked, "I got rid of it a few years back." She was lying, I could see it in her eyes. _Why would she lie to me?_

"You got rid of it? I thought you adored that car?" I just couldn't believe that.

"The insurance rate got way to high for me to pay so I sold it." That was believable, I guess. _There was still something about her eyes, something I couldn't believe about her answer._

Jason was just shutting the trunk from putting Kim's bag in there, when had he opened it in the first place? "If you two ladies are ready to go…" he said as he unlocked the car's doors. I looked over at Kim but she refused to meet my glance. "We're getting company tonight, remember Trini?" he pointedly looked at me as he got into the car. _How could I forget? This was going to be a really interesting evening, wait until Tommy finds out Kim is back, and back to stay. _

Maybe I should be dreading this encounter…Kim has changed considerably. I got into the car and turned around to look at Kim as she closed the door beside her. "All ready?" I asked, a change of subject might do her some good.

"Can I say I'm dreading facing everyone again?" she half-heartedly tried to laugh.

"Everyone's put it in the past," _ Well, almost everyone has…maybe one person hasn't yet. And that's the person that counts the most right now to her._

I could see the same thoughts in her eyes. I smiled, trying to make her feel better. If that was at all possible. "The most he can do is just pretend you're not even there." I said, anything to take her mind off of what she was feeling. It was the worst thing I could've said.

"Yeah, ignore me the whole time." she said and sniffled. "He probably thinks I'm some sort of monster," she said pitifully.

"Maybe if you explained to him what your reasons were…" I trailed off at the venomous glance she gave me. _Ok, bad idea then._

"I already told him in the letter what my reasons were." she was going to stick with her original story, which we both knew was a bunch of garbage. I couldn't believe there had ever been another guy…but if that was going to be the story she was going to stick too, who was I to argue?

"I could never tell him the truth…" I heard her quietly say, I'm not even sure if I actually heard her say it or if it was just my imagination. 

Do you like? Confusing yet? Let me know, I just might let you in on the little secret that Kim is keeping to herself. This was not my best writing job by far, I probably really didn't portray Trini right, but you have to remember she is 10 years older. Read and Review guys! **Please**!! I'll work on chapter 3 and get it posted if enough people review this for me…come on and review, I'm begging! Thanks.


	3. 3

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing other than the plot and the story, the characters all belong to someone else…unfortunately.

A/N : Thank you one and all for the kind reviews, I really wasn't expecting to get so many, but I'm glad everyone likes the story so far. This chapter will once again be done in Kim's POV and it's set during the car ride to Jason and Trini's home and what happens once they get there. Some things concerning Kim's past will be revealed here…very subtly though (so don't believe exactly everything your reading). As always, R&R. Thanks!

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN : 

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 3

"I could never tell him the truth…" I whispered quietly and hoped she didn't hear me. The little red car was barreling down the highway passing other motorists like they were sitting still. _Indeed, I could never tell him the truth…the shame I felt each morning when I looked at myself in the mirror, the sorrow I felt each night as I thought about what I had let go…the pain I felt for the pain I had caused him…the list could go on and on and I'm the only one to blame for every thing that's on it. Me, no one else, I've caused every bit of heartache I've felt over the last eight years…well, almost all of it._

Trini and Jason sat up front talking, completely unaware of my state of mind, or maybe they were just being respectful of my feelings on not wanting to intrude on it. _But could I be blamed for all of it?_ I wondered as I delved back down into my dark thoughts,_ I'm not really sure, maybe…maybe not. Would things have turned out differently if I hadn't moved to Florida to train for the Games? Probably. Would I change a thing? I can't even answer that, if I didn't go then I wouldn't have lived the nightmare I've been living for the past eight years. I certainly want to change that but I wouldn't want to loose the experience of the Games, even though I did as badly as I did._

I turned to look out the window and caught Trini's eyes as she looked worriedly back at me from the make-up mirror on the car's sun visor. I focused on the scenery flying past outside of the car and plunged back into my dark thoughts.

That actually wasn't my fault, I had to relearn everything. I was going through extensive therapy at the time of the Games but I refused to back out. I am not a quitter, never have been and never will be. I was relearning everything, from the basics of gymnastics on up. Coach was surprised I did as well as I did. Even he didn't expect me to do very good…

I thought of Tommy the whole entire time. There wasn't a day that he didn't occupy my thoughts, or my dreams.

I just don't know, even after all this time I'm still not really ready to talk about it. The pain, the outrage and despair. I'd seen a psychologist for a while after the accident had occurred, but that didn't help much. She couldn't help me remember the missing pieces of my life. There had been a blow to my head, I can't even remember that…my spinal cord had been pinched and a few of the vertebrae had been fractured. Like the old saying says, when you fall off of the horse you have to get back up and ride or you'll never get on again…I never got back on, actually I never got back up.

The only thing I remember after the accident is the sound of the sirens and the frantic chatter of the passerby's. Then waking up in the hospital and the doctors talking to me and the nurses prodding me with instruments.

****

*Flashback*

'Don't move,' the doctor had told me just as I woke up. Of coarse I didn't listen and the pain that flew through my body was unbearable, it felt like liquid fire was surging through my veins. I don't even remember if I screamed or not.

'Do you know who you are?' What kind of stupid question was that? I told him my name; he then asked me if I knew where I was. I answered the hospital, duh, logical conclusion there Doc Einstein. 

__

'Do you remember how you got here?' Then the panic struck full force, how did I get here? Why did I feel like I'd just been run over by a semi and why were all of these wires and tubes attached to me? 'What's going on?!' I screamed, I must have passed out since I don't remember anything further after that, other than blinding white-hot pain. 

****

*End Flashback*

__

The pain began to recede a few weeks later and the doctors told me there was a chance I wouldn't be able to walk due the injuries I had sustained in the accident. My backbone had been fractured, not broken but fractured…anything stressful to jar the muscles in the back could pinch my spinal cord again so that I'd loose control of my legs. I was stubborn and against the advise of the doctor's I went back to training, if I was going to loose the control over my muscles it was going to be on my own terms and not while lying flat on my back. I didn't get back up on the horse but I sure as hell was gonna get back up on that balance beam! Sure, the doctors didn't like that I went back to training but they didn't stand in my way…they signed the release forms for me. 

Things started to get worse from there on and the calls from Tommy became far and few in between. He had much more important things on his mind and I didn't want him to worry about me. I never told him what occurred or about what was happening to me…the less he knew the better. I was hoping that once the letter reached him it wouldn't hurt him as much, hopefully enough distance had been put between us. 

I got letters from the others asking what was going on. I fed each of them the same line that I had met someone else. I tried seeming as heartless as possible, like I had truly gotten over him. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do but I didn't want him to get hurt in battle on account of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that had happened.

I looked up and out the front windshield, past Jason and Trini. A tractor trailer suddenly swerved over in front of Jase's car, I saw Trini throw her hands up and scream as Jason veered off the road and down into the median. My heart thundering I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for it to be all over with. I felt the car come to a stand still and slowly opened my eyes to peer ahead at my two best friends. 

Trini had her hand pressed against her chest and was breathing unevenly, Jason was just turning toward her asking if she was all right. He got a barely discernable yeah from her then turned around to look at me. I never even heard what he said to me, I was looking out the windshield at the huge rig in front of us. It had jack-knifed right before us with the trailer coming off and overturning into the median, coming to a rest no more than fourteen feet from the front end of our car.

__

Jason and Trini said something to me, I'm not quite certain what it was but I numbly nodded my head in answer. I was far to involved in my own thoughts at the moment, but I do recall what I think was car doors closing…

__

The sound of twisting metal and shattering glass echoed in my ears. Brakes squealing…the car stopping…the smell of gas and oil…people talking all at once. Then the sirens. Suddenly someone was knocking on the rear window, I looked up into the face of a police officer. I rolled down the window and smiled up at him, "Are you alright Miss?" he asked. I suddenly realized that both Trini and Jase were no longer in the car with me.

"Um, yeah." I answered and looked wearily around for my friends.

"There up with my partner making a report on the incident. Are you sure you're ok?" he asked again. "We have enough ambulances here, we can have you looked over if you think you may have been hurt."

I looked back up at him, _I'd been wearing my seatbelt, there was no chance of me getting hurt. _"I'm fine," I said again.

"Ok, if you're sure." he said and looked toward the front of the car. "Here your friends come." he said then walked away.

"You're back with the land of the living," Jason said and gently laughed as he and Trini got back into the car. "Everything's ok and there doesn't seem to be any severe damage so the officers said we can go. If they have any questions about the accident, they said they'll call us at the house." He paused as he started the car up, "You sure you're ok back there Kim? You kind of spaced out on us there for awhile…"

"Was just thinking, that's all." I answered as Jason pulled the car back onto the highway. "I'm fine." _It was becoming a habit to lie to my best friends, I'll have to watch out and make sure I don't start to lie to myself, or if I do I'll have to make certain I don't believe it._

"Well, we're almost to the house," Trini started to say. "The gang should be showing up in a few hours, you wanna get a few hours sleep before they get there?" She was worried about the jetlag. _Getting some sleep actually sounded pretty good. _I nodded my head yeah.

We were on the outskirts of Angel Grove, it was a well-maintained neighborhood and the house that Jason pulled up to was very…_I don't really have the words to explain it. It was large, but not overly large for a family consisting of just two people. Probably enough rooms for friends when they decided to drop by on surprise visits or something of the like. It had a three car garage…why they would need the third car port was beyond me…_

__

Two slim flowerbeds ran parallel up each side of the driveway and continued up around the garage and the house. The house was pale yellow with the shutters done in a dark red almost looking black, it actually looked pretty decent together, amazingly.

I noticed for the first time the remote opener for a garage door clipped to Jase's sun visor. He pushed on one of the three buttons on the remote and the first garage door, the one nearest to the house slowly began to draw upwards. Jason pulled the car in and I noticed the little yellow beetle already parked in the garage. "Must be your car, huh Trini?" I asked and smiled mischievously at her.

"Don't you dare bust on my car girl!" She said and glared at me but I could see the smile hidden just below the surface. A glint of white over in the far stall caught my eye and as I got out of the car I wondered over toward the glint. _What in the hell? _ was my last coherent thought before peaceful oblivion claimed me.

Hmmm, and just what did Kim find over in that far stall? Well, tell me what you think of this chapter. I'm loving all the reviews!


	4. 4

Disclaimer : I own nothing, the characters, the name…nothing, except for the story and plot, that's all mine!!

A/N : Ok, this chapter will be from Jase's point of view and will probably be short because I want to get to chapter 5 and Tommy and Kim's first encounter since the whole Divatox mess ended…and wait till you hear what I have in store for that chapter…Well, anyways…on with the story and as always R&R. Thanks!

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 4

I watched as Kim got out of the car, she must've spotted her old car right away for she almost instantly started walking over toward it. She got to the other side of Trini's little yellow bug…_I still can't believe she insisted on getting a bug…A BUG! _ Anyway, Kim got to the other side of Trini's Beetle and stopped, her eyes widened as she looked at a car that wasn't suppose to be here.

Kim must have told her mother she was coming to Angel Grove for a visit or something, for no sooner had Kim sent us a letter about coming home then her mother called Trini and asked if it were true. Of coarse Trini had told her yeah, about a week later the car showed up on a roll back, the driver of the car carrier had a note that was to be delivered to Trini and I, which read as follows:

__

Dear Trini and Jason,

Greetings, I hope this letter finds you two in good health. Congratulations on the marriage, Kim was gushing about it…she was only sorry about not being able to make it. 

On to the reasons for this letter, since Kim will be staying with you two for a little while I've pulled her car out of storage, this is not the original car she had in Florida, not exactly anyhow…she told me she'd had to get rid of it. I searched extensively until I found the car…unfortunately it was in a junkyard, apparently who ever had bought it from Kim had crashed it. I pulled it from the junkyard and had it repaired, quite extensive repairs too. 

Kim doesn't know I did this, this should be a pleasant surprise for her since she was strangely attached to the car.

Sincerely Karen DeVane

I figured if that was the case and Kim didn't know she owned the car again, we'd surprise her with it when we got to the house. I expected her to start screaming and jumping all over the place. Like she had when we were younger…

What happened next I wasn't quite prepared for. I watched as Kim's eyes widened in surprise, I was waiting for her to squeal in delight or something…anything. Fear passed over her face followed quickly by confusion. _I could almost hear her saying 'What the hell?' _Then she passed out, that really wasn't what I had expected to happen.

"Jason!" I heard Trini gasp, I was running at once hoping to make it to Kim before she hit the floor. I dove for her body, my hands just cradling her head before it slammed forcefully against the hard cement of the garage floor. I felt the pain explode in my hands and hoped I hadn't broken anything, but at least Kim was unharmed.

Trini made it over to us in no time flat and bent down beside Kim and me just as I was moving my hands away to take a closer look at them, "Is she alright?" she asked quietly. She gingerly touched Kim's head, running her fingers deftly down over our friend's face, and then I noticed the look on her face. She had Kim's face turned toward me, her hand was lightly touching the area behind Kim's right ear and she looked like she was about to get sick.

"What?" I asked and leaned over so I could get a look at the side of Kim's face too, my hands were quickly forgotten. _I was terrified I was going to see blood or something far worse…I wasn't actually prepared for what I saw. _A small angry pink line slashed downward, from just behind her ear down her neck and around her hairline toward the back of her neck. I thought in dismay as I looked at the fading cut, _It was just like someone had tried to scalp her, the small pink scar paralleled her hairline perfectly, then ran partway down the back of her neck._

Trini and I both looked at each other at the same moment, "What happened to her?" Trini asked, I could see the fear in her face, her eyes…in the expression of complete horror she wore on her beautiful face. I wanted to comfort her then but I really didn't know what to say or to do. I did the only thing I could think of, I just shook my head in confusion.

I tried wracking my brain, tried recalling anything that could give me a clue about what had happened to one of my best friends…I thought back to the mess with Divatox so long ago. _We'd been captured and used against our friends, even then Kim had seemed distant, like something was bothering her. I had always associated it with the letter she'd wrote to Tommy and the fact of seeing him the way she had all of a sudden, she'd figured on seeing him on her own terms…and then there was his involvement with Kat. Could there have been more to it than just that, more than she was letting on? No, she would've told someone, if not me than Aisha or Trini…she hadn't said anything to anyone about having surgery or anything else of the like. What in the hell happened to her?_

I looked up at Trini and met her dark gaze, "I just don't know, but we should probably get her into the house." We carefully picked her up and carried her into our home and up to the guest room. After Trini had finished tucking her into bed she met me down in kitchen. "She ok?" I asked as I got a glass down from one of the cupboards and got the orange juice out of the fridge. "Want some?" I asked and held the OJ out toward her.

"No thanks, I'm not thirsty right now." she paused and watched me down my glass of juice then turn and put the juice carton in the fridge and the glass in the sink. "Jase, I found something else," her voice trailed off and I turned worried eyes back toward her. "There's a large scar on her back too. It's not a neatly cut one like the one on her face…it's like," she paused, at a lost for words to describe what she had seen. "I don't know…and she…" she paused once again. She was trying to collect her thoughts. She was worried, I could tell it from the look in her eyes. "She keeps tossing and turning and mumbling something about horses and balance beams…" Was that confusion I saw too? "I think that accident earlier jarred her too."

I looked at her and waited for her to elaborate. She didn't continue, "What makes you say that?" I finally asked.

"She keeps mumbling about it." I raised my eye brows, a kind of 'Oh really' gesture. "She said something about-" she was cut off as we both heard a vehicle pull up outside. I walked up closer to the window above the sink and peered out to see who it was. Out there sat a white jeep, right in front of the garage door Kim's car sat behind.

"Tommy?" Trini asked from beside me.

I turned to look at her, "Yeah, I think this may just start to get interesting."

"Anybody home?" I heard him call as he walked in from the garage and into the kitchen. He hadn't quite made it into the kitchen before I heard him swear, "What the hell?!" He must've just seen Kim's car…

Hmmm, just what is gonna happen next? Actually I may wait till Chapter 6 to have Kim and Tommy come face to face…what do you think? Let me know, and as always, R&R. I love reading what you all have to say. 


	5. 5

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing though I wish I did, but alas I don't…

A/N : Well, I figured I do this chapter from Tommy's POV and I may change it to someone else's later on in the chapter. I'll also see if I can attempt to make the chapters slightly longer but I can't guarantee anything. As for Kim and Tommy's first encounter, that's going to be pushed back just slightly and it's not going to be a happy reunion. I absolutely refuse to allow them to get back together like nothing happened, Kim wounded Tommy severely and it will take more that just merely explaining her reasons for the letter for him to forgive her, but he will eventually. As for Kat, you will not find any bashing here. I am not a fan of hers but I will not bash on her, what happened was not her fault or Tommy's. Ok, enough said and on with the story.

A/N : Oh, and by the way, you may see minor discrepancies here or there, I've tried to keep everything smooth and flowing one chapter into the next and such, but it is quite hard so if I do screw up here or there just please over look it or e-mail me and let me know so I can try and fix it. I've tried to keep everything flowing with the series, but that's hard to do when I haven't seen it for so long and I'm going mostly by what I remember but I seem to have to same affliction that Kim has, I was in a car accident a little over a year ago that scrambled some of my own memories-hence the idea for the story. Thanks again and please remember to review if you like what you're reading! I can't seem to ask that enough, I love reviews!

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 5

I opened the sliding glass door to Jason and Trini's breezeway and silently stepped into their home. They were home, I could just make out their vehicles sitting in the dimly lit garage. Jase's car sat in its usual parking spot. So did Trini's car but there was a strange car sitting on the far side of her little bug…I walked further into the garage, flipping the light switch on, on my way in. I walked over to inspect the new car and my breath caught in my throat. I'd recognize this car anywhere…

It was a late 80's model Grand Am. Stark white with light pink racing strips running along the sides then flaring up over the trunk. I could make out the glittering, scrolling pink letters on either door: Kimberly. _How in the hell did this get here…wasn't this car suppose to be over a thousand miles away, in Florida? Someone would have a hell of a lot of explaining to do…and there had better be one hell of a good explanation to go with it too! _

I turned my attention away from the two door Grand Am and started toward the main house and just noticed the set of keys dangling from the key rack next to the door into the garage. The Pontiac symbol was unmistakable on the key chain. The dark blue circle with a chevroned triangle in the center, made of silver, gold and red with a silver five pointed star embedded in the center. The word Pontiac in bold white letters scrolled across the symbol…I grabbed hold of the keys and took them down from the key rack, flipped them over as I looked on the back of the leather pad the Pontiac symbol was embedded in, "What the hell?!" Just as I had expected, _'Kim & Tommy'_ was etched into the back of the leather key chain.

I rushed into the house, the keys still clutched in my fist and found Jason and Trini both standing in their kitchen regarding me with curious looks on both of their faces. "What is _her _car doing here?" I asked, _She just can't be here, not after all this time…_The look on my face told them I was in a fairly bad mood.

It was Trini who spoke up in her usual calm voice, "whose car?" She asked and I so badly wanted to walk over to her and wipe that calm smile from her face. _Don't you remember what she did to me? The letter…my heart…she's here and no one saw fit to warn me about her arrival? _I silently screamed at the both of them. _ I remember the Muiranthias mess, she'd tried taking Kat's head off, hell she tried taking my head off for that matter…but then again, so did Jason. They weren't themselves then…_My heart wanted to forgive her but my mind didn't want to even think about her, give her the time of day. Absolutely nothing at all, she didn't deserve it!

"Whose car?" I repeated in pure confusion. "You're asking me whose car?!" I suddenly shouted the anger welling up within my body. "You know damn well whose car I'm talking about! The car that sits out in your garage. The car that isn't suppose to be there. It's suppose to be in Florida with its owner, but it's not, it's here…So if it's here, then that means that more than likely its owner is here as well!" I felt marginally better but not much. Amazing what an outburst of anger can do for your nerves. "Why in the hell couldn't someone warn me she was coming for a visit?"

"She didn't come to visit." Trini said so calmly I almost thought I'd misunderstood what she said. 

"What?" I asked and grabbed the nearest chair from the kitchen table and flopped down onto it. "If she didn't come for a visit then what is her car doing here?" _I really didn't understand at all what was going on here, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to either. _"If she's not visiting than why is that thing here?!" I was becoming exasperated. This was just too much all at once. _First she sends me that damn 'Dear John' letter…sure, like I really believe she met some other guy… It had felt like we were growing apart, even then, but I'd never thought in a million years that we'd grown that far apart…not enough for her to go and find someone else. Just like that, so quickly? Then again, it had become harder and harder to get a hold of her, she was never home or I had just missed her…then that damnable letter came and my whole world was shattered. As if the letter itself wasn't bad enough, she had to send it to the Youth Center so that everyone could see my utter and complete humiliation. A little while later I started dating Kat, I was trying to get my life back on track, though Kim was never far from my thoughts…why did she have to do that to me, hadn't my love been enough?_

Then the whole mess with Divatox started…the telepathic message to Lerigot from Yara…seeing both Kim and Jason, my whole world was turned upside down again. Kat was there for me through everything, I don't know if I would've gotten through that particular mess without her. Then Maligore consumed Kim and Jase's purity, their innocence and they turned against us…Jase actually tried throwing me into Maligore's pit…Kim had been urging him on the whole entire time…

But we managed to rescue our friends…I'd wanted to talk to Kim but she refused to even listen to me let alone answer a single question. She was polite but distant…and the look in her eyes had been enough to scare me, it was like she was trying to cope with something, like she was trying to remember something that had happened or trying to forget something…I always assumed she was either trying to remember exactly what had been going through her mind at the time she had been under Maligore's spell or trying to forget the evilness she had felt…the rage and hate towards Kat and me. But she would never answer my questions and over the past few years I've tried to get on with my own life, but she'd always be there in my thoughts at some point in time and was always in my heart. I'm over her now, or at least as over someone as you can be, I may still love her but I won't set myself up to be hurt again…you can only survive so much heartache in your life and I've had my fair share to last me a life time…

"Tommy?" I barely heard Trini's voice. "Tommy, are you listening to me?"

I shot my head up and looked at her. "Um, sorry. I was thinking about something." I looked over at Jase and he had that look in his eye as if to say, 'Yeah, you were thinking about something alright, more like someone.' I ignored him and turned my attention back towards Trini, "You were saying something?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's about Kim and the reason her car is here." I was all ears, I needed to know why her car was here if she wasn't coming for a visit. Trini exchanged a furtive glance with Jason as if seeking encouragement from her new husband, or confidence. "You see Tommy…" she paused and actually started pacing. "Kim…well, her car is here…" she's nervous I realized. _Just spit it out, _I wanted to scream. "Kim's car is here…because Kim is here." She turned her dark eyes toward me as if waiting to see what my reaction would be to this latest bit of news.

"What?!" What kind of a joke were they playing on me? Trini had just said that Kim wasn't coming for a visit, but now she's telling me that she's here… "I don't understand…" I trailed off hoping that what I was suddenly thinking wasn't true. "You said she wasn't coming for a visit Trini…what's she doing here then?"

It was Jason who spoke up, he came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Tommy, Kim moved back to Angel Grove. She's home to stay."

__

They dropped the bomb and my world shattered for yet the second time in my life due to just one small woman. My heart was thundering loudly in my ears at what they had just told me. "Where is she?" I asked, _she has to be around here somewhere. Or maybe she was away, maybe she wasn't staying here…then why is her car here? _This just can't be happening!

"She's upstairs lying down." Trini answered. "She had an unexpected surprise when we got back to the house…" Trini turned her coal midnight eyes toward her husband as if she was silently asking for permission to continue with the tale. I just barely caught his indiscernible nod. "Her mom sent her car over from France and Kim wasn't expecting it. Kim didn't even know she owned that car anymore…" Trini paused and I just looked at her like she'd grown a second head. _What in the hell are you talking about anyways Trini, could you attempt to make some sort of sense?_ "She just arrived today and her car has been sitting here for about a little over a week now."

I looked from Trini to Jason, not quite fathoming what was going on here. "Why was the car over with her mother in France and why did it get here before she did? Did she move away from Florida or something?" _There were to many unanswered questions flowing around through my mind and I wanted answers to all of them. _"What in the hell is going on here Jase…Trini?" I looked first from one familiar face to the other.

"We really aren't quite sure either Tommy. We're waiting for Kim to wake up from her little nap. But from the note that was sent over with the car, the only thing we can figure out is that Kim sold the car for some unknown reason. Her mom found out and started looking for it so she could buy it back from whoever had bough it from Kim. When she found it though, it had been totaled. Pretty severely to from what I gather from her mom's letter. Anyway, Kim's mom bought it from the junkyard and had the car sent to a garage to be repaired…I guess a lot of time and money was thrown into the car, but it was eventually fixed then she put it into storage and waited until the right time to tell Kim she'd bough it back and had it fixed." Trini was saying as Jason interrupted her.

"When Kim's mom found out that Kim was moving back here she arranged to have the car sent overseas and shipped here. We never knew about it until the car arrived here. We were as much in the dark as Kim herself was…as much as you are. We have no idea what is going on here, the only way we're going to find out is when Kim finally wakes up."

That's when we heard the screams start from upstairs. It was Kim and she sounded terrified.

Well, you know I could end the chapter right there and leave you all wondering what's going on, but I'll be nice and continue the chapter, but I'm switching POV's and going to Kim's. It's going to be more of a flashback or a surfacing memory then anything, maybe you'll get a brief insight into what happened to her...maybe not, we'll see. 

__

We'd went into the city proper early in the morning to blow off some steam. Shop, guy-watch, anything that wasn't gymnastics related, we needed a break. Coach had granted us a four-hour reprieve, but we all had to be back at the compound by noon to finish up on some our routines. Sure, the Pan Globals were still a good three months away, but we had pretty much most of our routines down to where we could do them in our sleep.

We'd been to various malls, shopping plazas…we'd even visited the local zoo, anything that wasn't normal routine. I could feel my muscles loosening and relaxing…and it felt good. My car was parked outside the small restaurant, the others had their cars parked nearby, they hadn't been able to find a parking spot as easily.

I glanced over at Annette and Kristin, they had their heads together talking but their eyes were locked on the waiter as he brought our food over to us. I tried not to laugh out loud, but couldn't help as the giggle escaped past my lips. Renee was sitting next to me and she too was trying her best not to laugh at our friends. For our hard work we both earned evil glares from our two friends. We ended up laughing even harder. Victoria jabbed me in the ribs and pointed to a guy who had just walked into the restaurant and my breath actually got caught in my throat. It was uncanny how much he reminded me of Tommy…

After that, it's all a blur and fused together in sporadic glimpses. We were leaving the restaurant, Renee was going to ride with Annette, they'd meet us back at the compound in a few, Annette had someplace she needed to go real quick and Renee was going to tag along. Victoria had decided to ride along with me. Kristin and I bid them farewell and got into our vehicles, Kristin told me she'd make it back to the compound before I would…she certainly would not. I looked over at Vicky and smiled and mouthed, 'Not in that Ford Escort she's driving, no way at all!' We both giggled and took off after her.

My car developed a flat and Kristin stopped to see if I needed any help. Nah, I was fine. Some guy stopped to help us, so she asked Victoria if she wanted to catch a quicker ride back with her, Vicky declined, so Kristin returned to her car and left. I thanked the stranger for his help and soon we were on our way too. I just happened to look down at the clock and saw it read 12:30 already…oh shit!

We were late and Coach was going to kill us. That was the only thing I could think about as I drove down the main street, trying to hurry to get back to the gymnastics compound, without breaking any traffic laws. I saw the green light up ahead of me and hoped I'd make it before it changed. I gunned the engine, hoping against hope that I could beat the light before it changed.

Not to be, I watched in dismay as the light flashed yellow then turned to red. I easily pumped the brakes and brought the small Grand Am to a slow stop and patiently waited for the traffic light to change colors. It took an eternity. I was flipping through the channels on the radio, Victoria wouldn't, she had a bad history with anything mechanical, when the light finally changed, but was unaware of it until the motorist behind us honked their horn. I swore silently beneath my breath and started out into the intersection after glancing quickly up at the light, making certain it had indeed changed color. It was green.

I was just easing out into the intersection when I heard the blaring horn and Victoria screaming…Then the earth shattering crash. The sound of twisting metal filled my ears and I felt something pelt me, driving into my skin. The pain was incredible…My car lurched, I could hear the tires skidding against the asphalt. I remember the world spinning out of control, I shut my eyes, terrified of what I'd see. The car continued to spin out of control then suddenly stopped as another loud crash resounded in my ears.

Something hard hit my head and as the blackness engulfed me the last thing I recalled was something sticky trickling down into my eyes and down my neck onto my back…

My eyes fluttered opened and at first I didn't recall where I was. I expected to see the blinking machines and beeping consoles surrounding me, the tubes and wires running from various life support apparatus to my bruised and battered body…And the images from the dream floated up in front of my eyes and tears welled up just behind them and I fought them back, but in the end the tears won and flowed freely down over my cheeks. My head ached and suddenly the large tractor-trailer loomed in front of my vision again and I screamed like I never had before. I continued screaming until my throat was raw and hurt, that was when I realized that someone had their arms wrapped around me protectively and was repeatedly asking me what was wrong, what had happened.

I looked up into Trini's eyes and tried to timidly smile, I could tell by the expression on her face that my smile faltered and never made it to my eyes. "I'm fine Trini," I said quietly, the tears still evident in my wobbly voice.

She looked at me disbelievingly. "You were screaming like you were in pain Kim, are you sure you're all right?" Her dark eyes took in my whole appearance, including the fear that I knew had to still be lurking within the depths of my brown eyes.

"I'm fine Trini, it was just a nightmare that seems to be in the habit of plaguing me lately," it wasn't a total out and out lie. It was a nightmare that seemed to be in the habit of bothering me, I definitely have lost enough sleep lately over it. The only problem was it wasn't a true nightmare, it was a surfacing memory, and I wasn't quite certain if I really wanted to recall what had happened that day.

__

Each time I have that nightmare another piece of the puzzle fits into place, today the tractor-trailer fit into its proper place. What would be next? Suddenly I recalled Victoria had been in the car with me…I never remembered that part before…they'd told me, but I'd never remembered it up until today. No one had told me she'd died in the accident…no one told me that I had killed one of my teammates…

The tears started falling again and this time I couldn't stop them as I repeated over and over in my brain, "I killed her, it was my fault…I killed Victoria, she'd still be here if it wasn't for me…I'm the only one to blame…" not realizing that I was chanting it out loud for everyone else to hear.

Renee's words came back to me then, _She was in the accident with you Kim. Vicky was there, but she's in a much better place now…she's with her parents. She's ok, don't worry about her. Worry about yourself now, you need to heal…_

"Kim?" Renee's voice echoed in my mind, "Kim?" Then it became Trini's and I turned my desperate eyes up toward her, past her to Jason. He had a look of surprise on his face and concern, that's when I noticed who was standing in the room behind him…Tommy. He was leaning back against the doorframe, his eyes boring into me, as if he was looking down into my soul. They were black and the look in them could have frozen my soul, it was total indifference.

I turned my gaze back toward Trini, "What?" I asked quietly. I couldn't meet his eyes, not right now when I had so much going through my mind. I didn't want to look into his eyes, what I had seen there just briefly was enough to freeze my blood in its veins. I really did not want to meet those eyes.

"Whose death are you to blame for Kim?" Trini asked in a mere whisper. My eyes opened wide in surprise, _she had heard that_? _She wasn't supposed to hear that, no one was suppose to hear that! _I cringed and tried crawling back within my shell, I didn't want to face them, not right now at least.

I couldn't answer her; I couldn't even look at her. Trini gently tipped my face up so she could down into my tormented eyes, her fingertips just barely touched my skin. _No, _I silently screamed, _please don't ask me about it…I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to remember what happened that day, that dreadful day._

"Kim?" she said gently. I finally looked up into her eyes, "Kim, whose death do you think you're responsible for?" She asked so softly I was hoping I could pretend I hadn't heard her. My eyes turned down to look at the sheets that I clutched in my hands. "Kim, are you going to answer me?" She asked ever so quietly.

"No." I said in a shaky voice. "I can't…I don't want to remember it. I don't want to think about it…" my voice trailed off as the tears threatened to flow once more. "Please Trini, don't ask me to relive it! I just can't!" I cried out in despair, and then the tears flowed freely once more. I didn't try to hide them or stop them this time. I just allowed them to run down my cheeks and cascade down onto the sheets of the bed. 

"Shh," Trini said and I felt her envelope me in her arms once more. "Shh Kim, you don't have to talk about it right now, if you don't want too." She put me away from her then and looked me directly in the eyes, "But we will talk about this sometime, it is apparently bugging you severely and you will need to talk about it at some point in time."

I smiled weakly at her, "I will, I promise I will talk to you about it sometime…" My voice trailed off and I looked away from her up to Jason and Tommy. Jase was looking at me with concern in his eyes and I smiled half-heartedly up at him, he returned the smile, but his smile looked like he meant it. I then shifted my gaze toward Tommy and froze, my blood turned to ice.

He was still leaning up against the doorframe, his eyes still lingered on me, but what I saw in them was enough to make me gasp in fright. I'd never seen his eyes like this before. They were cold, so very cold and he just stared at me. He didn't smile or say hi, no nothing. I realized then how deeply I had hurt him and any hope I had of us even recovering what we had once had died right there and then. _Can we even be friends, _I wondered silently. _Will he even talk to me?_

"Hi Tommy," I said shyly, unsure of what else to do.

He jerked his head as if I had hit him and his eyes narrowed. "Hello Kimberly," he said tersely. All my hopes fled down the drain with that short but indifferent greeting. _He hates me, _realized sadly.

I faked a yawn and looked imploringly up at my friends, then I looked at Tommy but he was already leaving the room, without so much as saying goodbye, or even a backwards glance…my whole world crumbled then. That's when my subconscious decided to make itself heard, _What, you expected him to forgive you like nothing had ever happened? You broke the poor guy's heart…not to mention your own. People just don't forget stuff like that you know. You made your bed girl, now you're gonna have to live with the consequences whether you like them or not._

I cried myself to sleep after they'd left the room, it was the only thing I could do. I certainly wasn't ready to face my friends yet, least of all Tommy…would I ever be able to tell them the truth? Could I ever tell them what had happened down in Florida all those years ago? I fell asleep to the sound of breaking glass and twisting metal, a small whimper escaping from my mouth before sleep had completely claimed me as its victim.

Well? What do you think? I know, it's still not long enough and I'm sorry for that but I did try. Please don't get to mad at me for not putting Kim and Tommy right back together, but it's just not going to happen that quickly. I've been through the exact same situation and it takes what seems like forever until you trust your heart to another person, he's not going to just trust her again right away. Besides which, when they do finally get back together, it'll be all that much more sweeter! Review and let me know you've liked what you've read! Thanks once again to all who have reviewed.

__


	6. 6

Disclaimer : I can't claim anything other than the story and the plot…I could try to claim other things but I'd rather not get my behind sued off so I won't, it all belongs to someone else other than me…sadly.

A/N : Ok, I think I'm back on track now, that last chapter was something of interest…but hey, that's what writing is all about, just to see what you can come up with that is interesting and that was definitely interesting. Ok, enough with the babbling, I do enough of that and you probably don't wanna read all my babbling, so I'll get right back on track with the story…this will be from Jase's POV while he's talking to Tommy then I'll switch later on to Trini's POV while she's talking to Kim…maybe she'll get some answers from the gymnast, maybe not, we'll just have to wait and see. I really don't know what I have planned for this chapter yet, I do know that it's not Kim and Tommy's reunion, not yet. Couple more chapters, then you'll have that. Review as always. Thanks!

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 6

I followed Tommy from the room, I could hear Trini a little ways behind us. "Tommy?" I asked as we stepped into the kitchen, we had lost Trini somewhere upstairs, I think she may have went to the bathroom or something. I called to him again but he didn't even turn around to look at me, not even so much as a backwards glance. "Hey Tommy? You gonna answer me sometime today bro?" He still wouldn't look at me. I walked over to him, he was standing next to the doorway out into the breezeway, just looking out into the garage. His gaze was glued to her car, to Kim's car. At least what he could see of it anyhow. "Are you alright?" I asked as I stepped up next to him and gingerly placed a hand on his shoulder.

He whirled around to look at me, his face so dark that I actually had to take a step back. "Tommy?" I asked, my voice actually came out in a squeak and I forcefully tried to clear it before I spoke again. "Are you alright bro?" I asked.

"Alright? You have to ask me if I'm alright after seeing her just like that?" He snarled. I took an involuntary step back from him, I'd never seen this side of him before, and to say I was scared would be an understatement. "The least you could've done was warn me she was coming! Even to of known a few hours in advance would've been nice!" he fumed, his eyes becoming even darker with anger. "I wasn't prepared to see her, I never thought I'd see her again. Not in this life time at least!" He was growing angrier by the moment.

"How would you have liked it if the tables had been reversed?" He said and his voice was nothing more than a mere whisper.

"Tommy, we knew she was coming back…" I paused as he gave me a venomous look. I cleared my throat and continued, "We knew she was coming back, but we didn't know for how long. We thought it was just a visit, we didn't know she planned on staying." I broke off at the look he gave me, as if he was saying 'yeah, like I really believe that for a minute…' I sighed, "Listen, maybe we should've figured something was up when her mom sent the car over, but we didn't read to much into it. We didn't think…" he glared at me. He was doing an awful lot of that right now it seemed.

"Ok, maybe we should have questioned it then, but we didn't." That look again…and I sighed again. "Tommy, we were just glad to have her back for a little while. We didn't find out until we picked her up at the airport that she was planning on staying…she asked if she could stay here with us until she finds a place of her own. We weren't going to refuse one of our oldest friends." That glare again. "Tommy, you can't hold this against us…" I stopped at the look he gave me, 'Oh, you wanna bet I can't do that?' I think I actually shivered at the hardness I saw in his eyes. This was a side I'd never seen of him and I don't think I ever want to see it again.

"I can't hold this against you maybe, but I can the fact that you never told me!" he said in a whispered breath, "I just can't believe you never told me."

"I can't explain the reasoning behind not telling you, maybe I was afraid of what your reaction would be…I don't know bro, I just don't know." I turned from him and walked further into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I turned to him and waited for him to join me. Reluctantly he did so. "Tommy I'm sorry for not telling you…I didn't think it would bother you this much. I honestly thought you were over her, you keep telling everyone you are." I knew better, but I just had to make him think.

He glared at me, "I am over her!" Again with the snarl.

"If that's so, then why is seeing her effecting you so?" I asked, he glared at me again but didn't answer right away. "You can't answer me cause you know I'm right. You're not over Kimberly Tommy, not by a long shot. Things didn't work out with Kat cause Kim's 'ghost' was always in the way…you even said so yourself. You could never get Kim off your mind." He looked down at the table surface, a look of pure puzzlement crossing over his face.

"You still love her, don't you?" I asked. His head jerked up as if he'd been struck with a hot iron.

"I don't!" he snapped to quickly, his head dropped again. "I can't love her anymore…" his voice faded, I could just barely hear him. "I won't get hurt that way again Jase. She did it once, what's to stop her from taking my heart and shattering it again?" he looked away, over toward the stairs and up to the room that held the topic of our conversation. "I can't risk that kind of hurt again. You know the old saying, 'Once bitten, twice shy', well, that's me. She bit me once, she sure as hell ain't gonna do it again. I won't let her."

I shook my head, what else could I say to him? What could I say to make him see the light? Maybe there was nothing I nor anyone else could do, maybe it was all up to him and Kimberly…and if that was the case then they'd never get back together, they're both just to stubborn to admit when either one of them is wrong. "You still love her?" I finally asked again.

He looked up at me and I was shocked at the hurt and pain that was still evident in the dark depths of his eyes after so long. "Yeah, I still love her. I always have and always will…but I won't go back to her Jase. I won't set myself up for that kind of fall again!"

"Why don't you talk to her man? Find out what her reasons were behind that letter…I'm still not convinced that there was another guy. It had to be a front for something else she didn't want to let you in on." He looked hard at me, his dark eyes boring intensely into mine. I wouldn't look away and so I met his stare head on. 

"She said it all in her letter Jase." He said so quietly I had to lean forward just to hear him clearly. "It was all there…all of it. She'd found someone new and was happy with him. She wanted me to move on, but I couldn't. She was always there, always in my thoughts…she wanted me to move on like she did, but I couldn't. I still loved her, I still do…but I don't trust her. Not anymore, and trust is the basis for a relationship. Without that, we'd have nothing, absolutely nothing at all." He sighed deeply and I felt anguish for my friends…they had been through so much together, and to have their relationship torn apart like this was killing me. "I don't want her back Jase, not now, not ever. That's final."

I looked at him, had I heard him right? Was he giving up on him and Kimberly completely? "So there's no chance at all of you two getting back together then?" I asked, a sneaky idea worming its way into my mind. He'd kill me, but I had to prove a point to him.

He wouldn't look at me, his eyes were once more glued to the surface of the table. "No chance," he said quietly.

"None at all?" I repeated, just to make certain.

Then he looked up at me, his eyes narrowing into a glare. "I said no chance Jase, what? You want me to spell it out for you too? There. Is. No. Chance. Of. Us. Getting. Back. Together!" he grated out harshly. "There, do you get the point yet? Do you understand the concept yet?" He was totally rattled by the direction this conversation had taken. I'd almost think that Tommy was coming unglued. Almost, but not quite.

"Yeah, I get the point Tommy…" I trailed off and waited for him to look up at me, once I had his full attention I spoke again. "So then, if there's no chance…would you mind if I introduced her to a friend of mine? He's been looking for a girlfriend and I think Kim might be just about his type." I got the expected results.

He came up over the table at me, but I was ready for him and was up out of my seat almost instantly. "Tommy!" I said and dodged him as he tried grabbing hold of me again. I smacked him on the side of his head, not to hard. "Tommy!" I yelled again, this time almost directly into his ear. "Hey! Tommy, snap out of it, would you?!" I smacked the side of head again, actually I think I more likely slapped him.

He lunged for me again, this time I didn't move out of the way quickly enough. He grabbed hold of me, but apparently he didn't know what to do with me once he caught me cause he just stood there looking at me confusedly. I brought one of my hands up and snapped my fingers in front of his face. He blinked quickly in response and then focused his eyes on me. "Welcome back to the land of the living…and apparently you're not as over her as you'd like to believe." I said. He left go of me and sadly returned to his seat.

"Jason, I know I still love her…but that's not the point." he looked up at me and I could almost see him pleading with me to understand what he meant. I understood but didn't agree with his assessment of the situation. "I love her but it's not enough. I can't build a relationship on just that love…it's not enough anymore. There has to be more to it now…first of all is trust, which we no longer have. I don't trust her, least of all with my heart. The understanding use to be there, but even that's gone now. And what about commitment? Can either one of us commit ourselves to the other now? We've been apart for so long…and things are so different now. Things will never be the same, never."

I sighed, she hurt him terribly. Kat had tried to mend together his broken heart, or at least heal it partially but the only one who could've done that was Kim herself…but she cut herself off from everyone. Even her own mother. She isolated herself in Florida. I smiled sadly at him, "Tommy, what you feel for her is never going to go away-" he cut me off.

"It might never go away but it might lessen with time. I can't do it again Jase. I can't set myself up for that kind of fall again, I don't know if I'd survive it next time."

"There might not be a next time. Talk to her, try and work things out. You might find a few things out you never knew before, like maybe she was just as miserable as you had been. Maybe she still loves you as much as you love her, or maybe even more. You'll never know unless you go and ask her," I saw the look in his eyes, he'd never admit it was what it was, but I knew the fear when I saw it.

"And what if she laughs right in my face?" He asked.

"Then I guess you'd have your answer." I stated firmly. "But I honestly don't think she'd laugh in your face…chuckle maybe, but I don't think she'd outright laugh." I got a playful punch in the arm for my smart remark. I rubbed it like it had actually hurt and mock-glared at him, "Well, that wasn't very nice!" We both broke down laughing. It was good to see him actually laughing for a change. "Are you going to talk to her?"

He looked at me, but the mirth hadn't left his eyes. "Yeah, I guess. What could it hurt?" the look in his eyes told me an entirely different story. His heart, that's what it could hurt.

Meanwhile Trini and Kim upstairs. Trini's POV.

I walked back into Kim's room, she was soundly back asleep…if you could call it that. She was tossing and turning and softly whimpering in her sleep. _Who in the hell is Victoria? _She kept on repeating that name over and over. I noticed what looked like tear trails running down over her cheeks. Had she cried herself to sleep?

I sighed and turned around to leave. "I'm not asleep Trini," came her soft voice. "You can come in if you want." It was her way of asking me to come in, that she needed to talk.

I turned back around and carefully walked into the bedroom, but I never took my eyes off of her. "You alright?" I asked, she sat up in the bed and turned her face up to look at me. My breath caught and froze in my throat, I could see her heart reflected there in her eyes. The pain and loneliness, but most of all the despair. _Was she regretting what she had done all those years ago to Tommy? Or was it something entirely different that was affecting her? Victoria?_

"No, I'm not alright," she finally spoke up and my own heart broke at the emotions I heard in her broken voice. The tears started suddenly and I walked quickly to her side, sat down on the bed besides her and wrapped her safely up in my arms until the sobs lessened and she was no longer crying as hard.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked as I looked back down into her tortured eyes. 

"I'm not sure…" she was hesitant.

"How about we start with the nightmare then?" I wasn't sure if this was safe ground or not, but it was the only place I knew to start with…the only thing I even remotely knew anything about, even if it was nothing.

The tears threatened again and I knew that it was not the subject that she wanted to breach, she would chose something else instead. Just as I figured, she shook her head, "Why don't I explain as to why I'm moving back here?" she asked instead. It was something I was curious about and so I nodded my head. Maybe it would give me some insight into what had happened in Florida.

She took careful pains as she spoke, as if she feared saying the wrong thing or giving me a tidbit of information she didn't want me to know about yet. She smiled weakly and looked down at the bedspread that was wrapped around her waist. "I was seeing a specialist in Florida…" she trailed off and looked me intently in the face, I guess gauging my reaction. I said nothing but raised my eyebrows pleading for her to continue. "I'd injured my back, severely. There was talk of me quitting the team, but I would hear none of it-"

"We never heard any of this Kim!" I cried and tried to hug her. "What happened to you?" She held a hand up indicating for me to stop and remain quiet until she was done talking.

"I don't really want to get into that yet Trini. I still don't feel comfortable talking about it, not even all these years later." She smiled sadly, "Anyways, they were talking about me quitting the team…not even my mom knew anything about it. I kept everyone in the dark, you all had other things to worry about. Things that were much more important than wondering how I was doing…so I allowed myself to loose touch with everyone."

"Especially Tommy," I said, I could see the look in her eyes, the grief and regret and most of all the love.

"Especially Tommy." She repeated. "I was in so much pain day in and day out, sometimes I don't even realize how I managed to get up in the morning, but I did. And I lived…" she paused and two emotions conflicted across her face, shame and remorse. _Victoria. _The name rang through my mind. _Could this be where this mysterious Victoria fits into place at? _I wouldn't ask her, not yet. She looked like she was about ready to collapse from shear exhaustion as it was, I didn't need to add anything else to the equation.

"There wasn't much else the therapist could do there so they decided to send me to a specialist here…and that's why I've moved back home after all this time." she smiled weakly. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to overwhelm her with them just yet. When she was ready to talk, she would. 

"Can I ask you one question Kim?" she turned her soft brown eyes toward me and slowly nodded her head. "Was there ever any other guy besides Tommy? Did you truly find someone else when you were down there in Florida?" I saw her eyes go distant and they suddenly looked really watery. "It's ok, you don't have to answer it if you don't want too, I'll understand."

She smiled weakly at me, as if thanking me, for what I had no idea. "Trini, right now I'm really not ready to answer that question. If I answer that one I'll have a thousand more I'll have to answer and I really don't feel up to explaining the answers to them or reliving the memories I know will accompany them. If you don't mind, I'll pass on that question this time…anything else you'd like to know?" she asked, she was trying her best to smile but it just wasn't reaching her eyes.

"Actually, yeah I do." her smiled faded fast, she hadn't actually expected me to take her up on the offer. She looked at me intently before she indicated for me to ask the question. "Do you still love him?"

"Do I still love him?" she repeated the question and stared at me blankly, as if she didn't understand the meaning behind that simple question.

"Yeah, do you still love Tommy?"

"Do I still love him?" she repeated the question to herself for a few times, as if she could figure out the answer by repeating the question over and over. She stared blankly out the window, refusing all of a sudden to look my in the face.

"Yeah Kim, do you still love Tommy?" I repeated again, I was actually starting to get annoyed. 

"That's a good question," I heard from the doorway. Both our head whirled toward the door, and who should stand there, leaning up against the doorframe like he owned the place? None other than Tommy himself. _Exactly how much of our conversation had he heard?_ I quickly turned to look at Kim and could almost see the same thought spiraling through her mind.

"You going to answer the question or not Kim?" He asked, his eyes remained fixated on Kim, as if I wasn't even in the room. Her eyes in turn never left him, it was as if it were only the two of them here in the room.

"What question?" she breathed shakily.

"Do you still love me?" he repeated. I thought at that exact moment she was going to faint. _Don't push her to hard Tommy or she's going to do nothing more than close up on all of us an then no one will be able to figure exactly what's going on or what happened to her. Just shut up and let me deal with her, I almost had her talking. Damn you Jason, weren't you suppose to keep him occupied downstairs while I talked to Kim? _It suddenly occurred to me I had actually never verbally revealed my plan to Jase so how was he to know to keep Tommy occupied while I attempted to talk to Kim? I really felt extremely stupid at that exact moment.

"What?" I heard her say ever so quietly. I suddenly wanted to kick Tommy in his ass and tell him to leave! _Go back downstairs, anywhere but where we are at the moment. Men! So impossible anyways._

He stepped further into the room, his arms crossed over his chest. "It's a simple question Kim, do you still love me or not?"

Well, what do you think? No, we haven't gotten up to the reunion part yet, the next chapter will become rather messy and these two will hash it out…so if you don't like to read about Kim and Tommy getting into some major arguments, you aren't going to like the next chapter. I just thought I'd warn you ahead of time, but you are going to want to read it, cause it will make their reunion all that much more sweeter if you understand and know all of the hardships these two will have gone through. Well, thanks again for taking the time to read the story and I honestly hope you are enjoying it. As always, please review, I love reading what you have to say. Any comments or something you might want to suggest or see happen, go ahead and e-mail me, I love mail! Thanks again!


	7. 7

Disclaimer : I don't own any of it other than plot and story, the rest belongs to someone else…

A/N : This may be a tearjerker or it may not, I'm not certain which way this chapter will go. It'll start out from Trini's POV, but only for shortly then switch to Tommy's then Kim's…but not strictly in that order it maybe subject to change as everything is…anyhow, read and enjoy and as always REVIEW!!

A/N : Oh and before I start the story I have got to thank everyone who has reviewed. It means a lot to me and all the kind comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 7

I looked first at Kim then over at Tommy, I so badly wanted to kick him in his ass at the moment but thought better of it…I really didn't want to upset Kim anymore than she already was. She was on the verge of tears yet again and Tommy wasn't helping any, in fact he was making things worse. 

I pushed myself up from the bed and started walking toward him, with every intention of kicking him out of the room, "Tommy, right now really isn't the time." I said gently as I laid a hand on his arm. He looked down at me, his dark eyes boring into my soul and I felt shivers run up and down my spine. I quickly turned my eyes away from him, unable to look into the depths of his eyes any longer. He had changed so much.

"Why don't you go down and help Jason prepare for tonight? I'm sure he could use some help setting things up." I looked toward the door, hoping he would take the hint and leave. He didn't, instead he moved further into the room. His eyes were once more riveted to Kim, like he couldn't stop staring at her.

She too was staring at him, her eyes large and watery but she wouldn't look away. I could see pain etched deeply into each of their expressive eyes, Tommy's was hidden in sorrow and Kim's was riddled with guilt. _They need to talk to each other but now is not the time, I really don't think Kim is up for this. I really don't think Tommy is either. They have so much to talk out right now…_

"Trini," I heard Kim say at the exact same time that Tommy said my name. "I'd like to talk to Tommy by myself if you don't mind. Could you leave us alone?" At the exact same moment she was saying that Tommy was pretty much saying the same thing, "Trini, I really need to talk to Kim alone, do you think you could go down and help Jase instead."

My mouth fell open, but neither one of them would've seen for they still hadn't taken their eyes from one another. Kim's eyes were large and luminous, the tears weren't shining in their depths any longer. She held a bated breath as she stared straight into Tommy's dark depths, but his eyes never moved from hers either. I could almost see a smile play at the edges of his mouth, it was there but he refused to show it. 

"Kim?" I asked hesitantly, _she couldn't honestly want me to leave, could she?_

She finally broke her gaze free from Tommy's and looked at me. The guilt was still evident in her eyes, but so was something else: Hope. "I'll be fine," she said quietly. _I hoped she wasn't setting herself up for a long fall. I didn't want to see her hurt, I didn't want to see Tommy hurt either, they both had been through way too much and they deserved some sort of happiness. Even if it wasn't with each other._

I looked over at Tommy, our eyes met and he smiled weakly. With that I turned from the room and left them alone in there together. Mere moments later I heard the door shut behind me, I almost turned around but caught myself and continued on my way downstairs. I found Jason sitting at the kitchen table a stack of playing cards spread out across the table in front of him. I sat down at the table across from him and watched as he played a game of solitaire that he was loosing at.

Tommy's POV:

I was so glad when Trini finally left, I left out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. I looked down at Kim and she offered me a weak smile. I knew things were going to be rough but I needed some answers and she was the only one who could give them to me. I walked to the door and closed it behind Trini then turned to face Kim, her eyes were still locked on me, not even wavering.

"We need to talk Kim," I said, her eyes finally left mine for the first time. I could almost see her blush just before she lowered her face to look down at the sheets on the bed.

"I know," she said quietly, so quietly I had to lean closer to the bed and her. Her hair created a curtain around her face so I couldn't see what her expression was, but I could imagine what it was.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, getting right to the point. I wasn't going to pussyfoot around the subject, I needed answers and I was damn well determined I would get them before either one of us left this room.

She looked up at me briefly then looked away. She looked like a scared rabbit, cornered by a large predator. "I explained it all in the letter," she said in a mere whisper. "I found someone else Tommy. I fell in love with someone else, can't we please leave it at that?"

"What was his name?" I asked.

She looked up at me, a look of pure confusion crossing her beautiful face. "What?"

"His name, what was it?" I repeated.

She paled considerably. "I-I don't really understand wh-what this has to-" I cut her off in mid-sentence.

"What was his name Kimberly?" I sat down on the bed next to her, not very close but close enough that she scooted back up against the headboard.

"I don't recall," she finally answered but she refused to look me in the face. I knew instantly that she was lying.

"You don't recall?" I asked, my voice rising in anger. "You dumped me with a heartless letter for some guy and you can't even remember what his name is?" I wanted to shout at her but I attempted to keep my emotions under some sort of control. "What did he look like?"

She paled even more if that was at all possible. "Why do you want to know all of this stuff?" she answered my question with a question of her own.

"I just want an idea of what this guy looked like. I want to understand what drew you to him and away from me. I need to know if it was something I did or if you actually just fell out of love with me." She huddled up at the head of the bed, her knees tucked up under her chin, her arms wrapped around her legs. She looked like she'd fall apart at any second and I felt compassion for her but I needed to understand what had actually went wrong with our relationship. I just found it so hard to swallow that she had met some other guy. It was a lie and both of us knew that too.

"I don't know Tommy, I don't remember…" she trailed off and looked at me, the tears welling up in her eyes.

I refused to be moved, I had to hold my ground or I'd never get the answers I sought. "You left me for some guy that you can't even remember now?" I said, the utter amazement dripping from my voice. "All that we went through and you leave me for some guy you can't even remember now? Do you know how that makes me feel Kim?" She looked away from me, a single tear escaping from her eye and rolling down her cheek. I wanted so badly to wipe it away, but I needed to get my answers first.

"I'm sorry Tommy," she breathed. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Didn't you think that sending that letter would hurt me? Didn't that ever cross your mind?" I asked, I moved up closer to her on the bed and put my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look up at me. Her eyes met mine and I tried to hide the gasp I let out as I saw the raw emotions playing across her face. The hurt, the pain and guilt intermixed with the sorrow and grief and above all else I could see the love shining in the depths of her eyes.

"I wasn't thinking when I wrote it to you. I'm sorry Tommy," she said ever so quietly.

"What was his name?" I tried again, surely she had to remember something about him, even though we both knew that he was a lie.

She sighed and looked away, refusing to meet my eyes. I tipped her chin up so I could look down into the depths of her soft brown eyes. "There wasn't anyone was there?" I asked. She didn't answer, but she really didn't need to, I could see the answer there in her eyes. I swore softly underneath my breath. "Why did you do it Kim? Why did you break my heart that way? What was going on to make you do that to me, to us?"

"I didn't want you worrying about me Tommy. We were so far apart, and anything could've happened…I didn't want you worrying about me…I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something had happened to you because of me…" she was still hiding something, but it was a start. At least she was talking now.

"That wasn't just your decision to make Kim. It should have been both of ours to make. I should have had a say in it too. You had no right to make it for me!" Her eyes widened in surprise then she lowered them, unable to meet my gaze any longer. "We could've worked things out somehow, you should've given it a chance or at least have talked to me about it." I sighed and scooted up further on the bed to sit next to her. "Damn it Kim, it almost killed me when I got that blasted letter…nothing could've been worse. I was a total wreck, I was prepared to leave the Rangers then, I couldn't imagine a life without you…but I've been living one for the past, what? Eight or ten years now?" she still refused to look at me.

"Damn it Kim, look at me!" She briefly looked up at me than turned her eyes back down to the bed sheets. "Damn it!" I sighed in frustration. "You meant the world to me and it nearly killed me when you sent that letter…what in the hell were you thinking?"

I felt her flinch. "I don't remember what I was thinking!" she exclaimed. "I don't remember much about that time!" She buried her face in her knees and started to cry, I could hear the sobs and see her shoulders shaking with the force of them. "It's all a blur to me, mixed together…I don't know what was going on then."

"Damn it Kim, I don't care what you did then or what may have happened but quit lying to me!" I shouted. She looked fearfully up at me.

"I'm not lying," she said quietly. "I don't remember what was going on then, I don't remember much of anything."

"Just like you conveniently don't remember the guy? The guy who happens to be a lie…" I looked at her, she was still looking up at me. "Exactly how much did you lie to me about? I've figured out the other guy was a lie…what else have you lied about Kim?"

"Tommy please…." the tears started to spill down over her cheeks and she didn't try to stop them or even wipe them away. "I can't talk about it Tommy. Please don't ask me anything further." 

__

Just when I think I'm going to get somewhere with her she closes me out again. "You can't hide the truth forever Kim."

"I don't intend to Tommy, I'm just not prepared to talk about it, not yet."

"What?! What aren't you prepared to talk about?" I cried in exasperation. "Kim, you can tell me anything, you should know that by now."

"Not this Tommy, at least not yet." She replied quietly.

"Why?!" I nearly shouted, I was starting to loose my cool.

"Cause I'm not ready to talk about it, we all have our secrets and you have to let me have mine. This is it for now and you're going to have to respect that…" she trailed off.

"There won't ever be anything between us again you know…" I asked and looked away from her. "As long as you have this secret and can't trust me with it there will never be anything between us again. If we can't trust each other…" I trailed off as I heard her gasp.

I looked at her and simply asked her, "Tell me Kim, do you still love me?"

Kim's POV:

__

How could he ask me that? Surely he already knows the answer to that question. Why is he putting me through this? "Tommy, can't we have this discussion some other time?" I pleaded, hoping I could postpone this until I felt more comfortable discussing everything that was on my mind.

"We're having it right now, what's wrong with getting everything out on the table now?" He countered. "Do you still love me or not? It's a simple yes or no question."

I turned the tables on him, "Fine, do you still love me?" I asked, figuring he'd have as much trouble answering that question as I was having. 

"Yes I do," he answered simply and it caught me off guard. "But I don't trust you, you broke my heart once and I don't trust you not to do it again."

My breath caught in my throat, "Tommy, I'd never hurt you!" I exclaimed.

He laughed right in my face then, "Pardon me if I don't believe you Kim but you did it once. Or was that just an accident? Didn't you intend to send that letter?"

"You don't understand what was going on then!" I exclaimed.

"Then why don't you fill me in and tell me what was going on? Explain to me what could make you break up with me that way. I'd really like to hear that explanation." He got up off of the bed and walked over toward the window and looked out at the scenery beyond.

"I can't," I said in a small whisper. 

He whirled around and glared at me, "You can't?" he hollered. "You can't or you won't? Don't my feelings matter at all to you?"

"They matter more than you'll ever know," I said quietly.

"Excuse me if I don't believe that!" he exclaimed.

"You don't know what I was going through then-"

"Because you won't tell me!"

"I can't!" I cried.

"You won't!" he said and turned back toward the window. "I thought maybe we could talk and attempt to work things out…try to be friends if nothing else. Apparently even that won't work." _I hadn't heard him right, had I?_

"What are you saying Tommy?" I asked and held my breath fearing he was going to say the one thing I was dreading.

"I don't think we can even be friends Kim. You can't trust me enough to tell me what was going on your in life then, how are you going to trust me now? How can I trust you?" He turned around to face me and I could almost make out tears flowing down his face, or the shadow of previous ones. "It was nice to see you Kim, but I don't think friendship will really work out for us either…after all, we never really were friends." he smiled sadly then walked over toward the door and opened it and walked out of the room.

I silently reached for the door then dropped my hand back down beside my body and felt exhaustion overwhelm my entire body. _I walked out of his life once then broke his heart, it was only fitting for him to walk out of my life and break my heart too. It always comes back around and usually tenfold…I got exactly what I deserved, if only he could understand why I had done what I had done…_

I felt the tears course down my cheeks at the same time I heard a motor start up outside. I heard him tear out of the driveway, the tires squealing on the dry pavement onto the main road. _Be careful Tommy, _I thought as I cried myself back to sleep.

__

I'm so good at screwing up my life…if only I had told him the truth. If only I could remember the truth…if only I could recall what had happened. Maybe I should call Renee or Kristin…maybe they can help me sort through the few more pieces that have popped back into place…

*Surfacing Memory/Dream*

Victoria screamed, the car begun to spin out of control, then just as it had started it was done and I heard the load crunch again and the car suddenly stopped. A gasoline smell drifted through the car and bits of broken glass were embedded in my forearms and my face, I could feel then just below my skin's surface. Another load smash, something cracked and I felt excruciating pain in my back and my head…then complete oblivion.

'Lay back Miss,' someone's voice drifted toward me. 'Who, where are you?' I tried to sit up but felt their hands placed on my shoulders. I felt weightless, like I was floating. 'What's going on? Where am I?'

'She's coming too,' someone said from my right.

'Get her to the ambulance. We're trying to get the other one out of the car…I think we're going to have a DOA, notify the hospital and contact the coroner…' the voice trailed off as I was carried away from its source.

'DOA? Who are they talking about? Where's Victoria? Why can't I see you? Where are you? What in the hell was going on here…what had happened…Oh god where is Tommy? Where am I? I'm not in Angel Grove any more, am I?' Peaceful oblivion again and I was swallowed up by the blackness once more.

'She's coming too again.' I opened my eyes, just barely and noticed these people in white coats looking down at me…'Hi,' one of them said and smiled a fake smile down at me. 'Do you know what your name is?' he asked and jotted something down in a notebook as I answered his question. 'Do you know what day it is today?' I answered that one too, he frowned down at me and jotted something else down in his book, I heard him mumble something about being six months off…whatever that meant.

'Do you know where you are?' now that was a stupid question.

'Do you recall how you got here?' Not at all…then the panic set in.

'Do you recall the accident?' There was an accident?

"Do you remember if anyone was in the car with you?' What accident?

"Do you remember what hit you?' What accident, there was an accident? I was in it?

The panic set in and didn't leave…never left.

*End Memory/Dream*

I woke up in a cold sweat…I remembered it all now. The whole thing, the accident, and Victoria's death…the hospital stay, the coma and writing the letter and all the reasoning behind it. It seemed so stupid to think about it now, but there was strange logic to it in a way…

I looked to the nightstand next to the bed and picked up the phone, surely Trini and Jase wouldn't mind if I made one call…even if it was a long distance one. I'd pay them for it later. The first number I called I got no answer, the second number someone picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" they said.

I hesitated only a fraction of a second. "Kristin?" I asked quietly. 

__

Well, do you all like so far….still want to read after this last chapter? I know I was just a little brutal with them but it's not as bad as I was figuring it would get…and I just figured I'd have him walk out and leave before anymore was said that couldn't be taken back. Anyways, it can only get better from here on in…don't believe that. I still have some things planned for later…a few surprises for Kim and Tommy. Well, hope you've enjoyed this latest chapter and as always R&R PLEASE!! Thanks.


	8. 8

Disclaimer : I own nothing other than story and plot, rest belongs to someone with a lot more money than I could ever dream of…

A/N : This chapter will be a little off the path of the rest of the chapters. I'm going to delve into Kim's past a little and explore her reasons for the letter. This will be from Kim's POV during a phone conversation with her friend Kristin.

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 8

"Kristin? That you girl?" I asked, she mumbled something into the mouthpiece. _She sounded tired, what time was it there anyway?_ I wondered. _Around midnight, _I figured as I once again looked at the clock sitting on the nightstand. It read just shortly after nine here. "Kris, it's Kim…" I paused as she fumbled with the phone.

"Kim? Girl, have you any idea what time it is here?" She mumbled sounding just slightly annoyed at being woke up in the middle of the night. I was just about to apologize for waking her when she interrupted me, "Sorry girl, you know how I am if my beauty sleep gets interrupted…so what can I do for you? How was your flight anyhow?" She asked and was just starting to sound a little more awake.

"It was fine. Trini and Jase picked me up right on time-"

"I hear a but in there, something happened. What happened Kim?" she asked, immediately picking up that something wasn't being said.

"Everything all at once…it was like a tidal wave hit and I was carried away with the current…" I paused, she knew everything that had happened in Florida. The accident and Victoria's death…the coma and the therapy, my heartache at writing that letter to Tommy, Kristin knew everything that had happened. Including things that Trini or Tommy never suspected occurred.

"Kim, what happened?" She asked, her voice soft and steady.

"There was another accident," I answered.

"And what aren't you telling me Kim?"

"There was a large tractor trailer involved," I said so softly I wasn't sure if she'd heard me or not.

She didn't say anything right away, then I heard her release a soft rush of breath, "Are you alright?" she finally did ask.

"Yeah, it was nothing major…but it just make me-"

"Think of another accident that involved a big rig." she finished for me. "Are you sure that your ok?"

"No, not really," I sighed. "When we got to Jase and Trini's place my old car was sitting in their garage. Completely restored like nothing had ever happened to it. Like the accident had never occurred." My voice was a bare whisper as I got those few sentences out.

"How is that possible? That car was completely totaled, it would've taken a hellish amount of money to fix that junk heap-sorry I didn't mean to insult it like that."

"It's okay…I don't' know how it was fixed either, but it is and it's here…" I paused again as I tried to gain control of my thoughts. "I haven't had time to ask Trini about it yet, I think I must've fainted after seeing it 'cause the next thing I know I'm waking up in a bed screaming…"

"What did you remember Kim?" she asked as if she knew exactly what was on my mind, she had a bad habit of doing that…reading me like an open book, ever since that fateful day of the accident. Though she had tried to talk me out of writing that letter to Tommy, I wish I had listened to her.

"Vicky screaming…someone told me after the accident that she was in a much better place, with her parents…she was in the car with me wasn't she? And she died in that car accident too didn't she?" I could feel the tears threatening then and almost feel them ready to spill down over my lower eyelids. "I killed one of my best friends, didn't I?"

"Oh no Kim!" Kristin gasped. "That accident wasn't your fault, you can't blame yourself for it! You were broad sided by that rig, he went through a red light girl, not you!" She said, I could almost hear the tears in her own voice. "Kim, you can't blame yourself for what happened, do you hear me? It wasn't you fault!"

"What do you remember about it Kris?" I asked, that must've caught her off guard for she was a while coming with a response. 

A few seconds later she answered, "Of the accident?" She asked instead of actually answering my question.

"Yeah, what do you remember of it?"

"Only what I was told about it and what was in the newspapers…" she paused.

"Which is?"

"Oh Kim, do I really have to get into it?" she almost whined. It pained her almost as much to think about it and remember those days right after the accident as it pained me not to be able to remember what had happened.

"Please Kris, for me?" I shot back.

"Alright," she sighed. I heard her take a deep breath as she began to relate an accident that had occurred nine long years ago. "You, Victoria, Annette, Renee and myself had all went into, I think it was Miami that day…I'm not sure anymore. Coach had given all of us the morning off, just to unwind a little, give us a break in amongst all the grueling training and practicing we were doing. We went into Miami to try and relax, we were debating going to the beach or not then decided against it. 

"We went to a couple stores, hung out at the local mall and just plain enjoyed ourselves for the next few hours. We guy watched for a little while but you weren't very into it, kept comparing most of the guys to Tommy." My heart momentarily stopped beating at the mention of his name. "So we decided to leave and go catch an early lunch…again the only thing out of your mouth was how much this guy or that one reminded you of Tommy. Annette was threatening to dump her soda on you if you didn't shut up immediately. We all got a good laugh at it, but it didn't shut you up.

"Some guy walked in, 'Oh, he reminds me of Tommy…' then the waiter came and Annette started to ignore you and pay attention to him…for a little while until he left to take someone else's order, then she was right back on you about Tommy…it was really actually kind of funny." She paused and drew in a quick breath. "Anyway, we decided to leave, it was almost time to get back to the compound and we didn't want to be late or Coach would have us pulling double-time…" she paused.

"Do you still want me to continue?"

"Yes, please Kris, I need to hear this. I need to know if it matches up with what I now remember." I answered quickly.

"Alright then," she sighed and continued with the tale. "You, Annette and I had all drove our own cars. When we were ready to leave Victoria had decided to ride with you and Renee was going to go with Annette they were going to stop somewhere real quickly before heading back to the compound…don't ask me where 'cause I don't remember anymore. I dared you to a race, to see who would make it back to the compound first, you accepted the dare by insulting my car." she paused again and took in a shaky breath. "We took off down the highway, heading back toward the compound…I looked in my review mirror and you were no where to be found. I turned around to see what had happened to you, you'd gotten a flat tire. I stopped to see if you needed any help, some guy had stopped also and you said you were fine, to go ahead and go back.

"I'd asked Victoria if she wanted to catch a ride with me then…I wish that I had insisted on her coming with me, then maybe she would still be alive…"

I drew in a deep breath, "It wasn't your fault either Kris," I said and realized for the first time since the accident almost nine years ago that it wasn't my fault. I hadn't killed Victoria, I had a green light, the rig went through a red light, it wasn't my fault. I needn't blame myself for her death, there was nothing I could've done. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I could breath easier.

"I know, but it's just sometimes when I think about I just wonder you know, what if? What if I had done this or did that? What if I had made her come with me? What if I had waited with you guys till the tire was changed? What if…?" her voice trailed off.

"I know Kris…but could you…um, go on?" I asked hesitantly.

"Huh, oh yeah…" she seemed like she was in a daze and disoriented. "I left…I wish I would've stayed but I didn't. A few minutes later I heard the sirens go off…police cars and ambulances were rushing all over the place…at least three police cruisers passed me on the main road.

"You'd been stopped at a red light…it turned green for you to go and the tractor trailer didn't stop. He went right through the red light and side swiped your car…He hit Vicky's side, they said she more than likely died almost instantly. The rig swung your car around so it started spinning out of control then ended up slamming into the rig again. Your front end was wedged in underneath the tires of the trailer…your car was a total mess Kim.

"I pulled off of the road and waited for you to show up…you didn't so I finally turned around to go back and see what was going on. I figured you had gotten stuck behind whatever had just happened. I remember they had the road blocked off…I asked the police officer that was directing traffic what had happened, he told me that a large tractor trailer had side swiped this little white car…my world started spinning out of control. I left my car sitting there in the middle of the intersection and ran to the scene. They tried holding me back…they didn't want me to see the carnage…they thought you both were going to die on the scene…" I could hear her sniffling, she was fighting back the tears.

"I finally got a glimpse of your car…I started screaming. I remember they asked me if I knew either one of you…I had told them, 'Yeah. I knew both of you.' Your car was such a mess Kim…Vicky's side was totally demolished and your front end was non-existent. Your side was caved in, it had hit something else before returning to smash into the tires of the trailer…" she hiccupped, "Your car was sitting right underneath the trailer, how they had gotten you out I'll never know, but the rear tires of the trailer was sitting flush with your door…you could've died too Kim!"

She was crying now, full out crying. I felt so bad for making her relive that… "I'm sorry Kris for making you go through this, so very sorry." I whispered.

I heard her hiccup again, "It's ok Kim, you needed to know…after the accident…after all was said and done, they said that Vicky had died on the scene due to severe trauma to her head…you were touch and go for awhile, along while…they weren't sure if you were ever going to wake up from the coma you had slipped into. 

"We prayed each day…I remember one day I was sitting with Renee in your two's room and the phone rang, she was in no shape to answer it so I did. Some guy asked if you were there…I was dumbfounded, I thought everyone had known about the accident…I asked who it was, he said his name was Tommy. I can't even explain what I felt then…no one had called him or told him what had happened. I didn't have the heart to tell him right then, he sounded so sad like something was bothering him and I didn't think he needed any more bad news.

"So I lied to him then…hoping you would get better soon so you could tell him yourself. Hoping you would just live…I said that Coach had you practicing a really hard routine right now and it was taking up most of your time, I'd tell you he'd called and when you had a spare minute you'd call him back. He said ok, but that sadness was still there in his voice and I began to debate on whether or not I had done the right thing. I was hoping I had done the right thing…"

She paused and I could honestly tell that she still debated on whether or not she had done the right thing. "Then you finally woke up from the coma, but there were complications…"

"I had memory loss of the previous six months before the accident and other things were pretty foggy," I filled in for her. "I had received a severe blow to the head…which left a nasty scar-"

"A piece of the windshield." she said.

"I remember a blinding pain just before I passed out in the car…that must've been what it was. And my back-"

"You'd received a blow to your lower back, they were never sure from what but it had fractured a few of your vertebrae and there was worry you would never be able to walk again without a walker or some sort of helping device. You'd went through extensive therapy for your back, you had to relearn all of your gymnastics…"

"I remember that, I felt so cut off from everyone else. While you were all progressing with your routines I had to learn all of mine over…it was so humiliating. I felt so alone…"

"Then you wrote that letter to Tommy…I tried talking you out of it but you wouldn't listen."

"He deserved so much more than me at that time Kris. I wasn't sure which direction my life was going to go…they still weren't certain if I was going to live or not-"

"What?!"

"There was a piece of glass still embedded within my skull…just at the base of the neck. It wasn't hurting anything but the doctors were worried that if I moved wrong or it moved from where is was positioned at that it would cut something important…my spinal cord or a major artery. But they were afraid to remove it 'cause they weren't sure if it would do more damage trying to remove it or by just letting it where it was. In the end they decided to remove it-"

"That's why you went back into the hospital a few days after you'd been released?" Kris asked, certain things must've started slipping into place for her. "It took them that long to decide to remove it?"

"Yeah," I answered. "If they had left it where it was at there were a lot of things I wouldn't be allowed to do, gymnastics included. I wanted it removed and so I argued with the doctors and Coach and finally they agreed that it should be removed, but there was the chance something could go wrong and that I'd never wake up from the surgery. That was when I decided to write that letter to Tommy. I knew if he found out about what had happened he'd try to come to Florida and be with me and I couldn't let him do that when there were people who needed him so much more than I did. There were people who where depending on him…I couldn't do that to him."

"Don't you think you should have left that decision up to me Kim?" he suddenly asked from the doorway of the room. I looked up and froze. _How long had he been standing there? I thought he'd left, I'd heard his jeep leave, I know I had!_

The tears started to roll down my face, "I'm sorry Tommy," I whispered.

Without thinking he strode into the room, took the phone from me, "She'll call you back later," put the phone back on it's cradle and looked me deep in the eyes. "Now why don't you explain all of this to me, Kim?" he asked and sat down on the bed in front of me.

Am I mean or what? You want more? R&R like always, thanks!


	9. 9

Disclaimer : I own nothing other than story plot and story idea…

A/N : This chapter was written at a very sad point in time for me…my mood may have made its way into the story itself and if that is the case I apologize now for any inconsistencies that maybe found here in and after this chapter…my heart goes out to all who have recently lost loved ones or friends.

Dedication : To my school friend and pal thereafter : Steve Lee Kepner, you will sorely be missed my friend and hope that in the times to come your family and Mandy will find the guidance they will so badly need in the coming months. My heart is forever with you and your beautiful Mandy…you know if she ever needs anything, send her my way, I will help in all the ways I know how. God Bless you my friend and may your trip be a safe one now…Good bye.

My friend was killed in a car accident Monday January 21, 2002...I found out about in on the internet from my niece…I tried to convince myself once I had heard the news that it was another Steve Kepner, but sadly that was not to be the case. After his death, I thoroughly rethought the story and found I could not go on any further with it…this will be my attempt at doing so and if it is not up to its usual standard you will know ahead of time why. I am sorry if this chapter disappoints you in anyway…but my heart is no longer in this story, it is somewhere else in another time, remembering things from what seems an eternity ago.

As always, please read and review…I will try to finish the story if you ask, but I will be unable to guarantee anything. Maybe continuing to write will help ease the pain…Thank you and please enjoy what might be the last chapter to this story…

**__**

THE POWER RANGERS IN :

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID

Chapter 9

I looked up at him, my heart in my chest. How could I explain all that had happened, the loneliness and every thing else that I had felt then? My heart beat faster till I was sure I was going to faint…The tears welled up in my eyes and fell from beneath my lowered lids, I couldn't meet his gaze any longer. "I'm sorry Tommy," I said so quietly. "So very sorry…"

He was on the bed in an instant, his arms wrapped around me in a solid hug, trying to ease some of the pain I was feeling myself. I needed to talk then, and he was the only one there with me, but I needed to talk to him…he needed to know how I had felt, the feelings, everything. I never blamed him for the break-up, he had to understand that…it was me, all my fault. He had nothing to do with it. "I'm sorry Tommy…" I said again, my heart felt like it would stop beating at any time.

"Shh," he said against my hair, his arms wrapped so securely around me. "When you're ready Kim you can tell me everything…when you're ready."

I was ready, more ready than I had ever been before, he had to know the truth. "She died that day in that car accident…" he looked down at me, but didn't open his mouth, he would wait until I was done. "I felt for the longest time like it had been my fault, like there was something I should have been able to do…" I sighed deeply. "I know now there was nothing, God wanted her then and so he took her…I couldn't have stopped it if I had wanted too. There was nothing I could've done, nothing at all."

He smiled sadly through his own tears. I took a deep breath and continued with the tale, "I woke up in the hospital, I immediately wanted to call you, but I couldn't move. My spinal cord had been bruised, and very badly. They weren't sure if I'd ever walk again. Everything was so screwed up, I don't know what I was thinking…"

He smiled sadly and drew me into his arms, "It's ok Kim, you can tell me later." he said and held me even closer to his body. "You can explain all of this to me later…right now I just want to hold you. You could've died in that accident."

"Tommy," I looked up at him. "One last thing," I said quietly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I remember one thing I have never told anyone else, not even Kristin…"

"What is that?" He asked.

I looked down at the bed sheets than glanced up to meet his gaze. "It was before the ambulance had gotten there…I was still conscious after the accident…I never told no one." I grabbed hold of him tighter, burying my face in his chest. "Vicky was still alive, or at least I believe she was…I was holding onto her…the blood was everywhere…" I paused not sure if I could relive it after all this time, but I knew I had too. "I held her in my arms…she took three deep breaths, exhaled them…shuddered and I believe then was when she died…" I broke away from his grip and looked up into his face. "I held her when she died…I was the last thing she knew of before she passed on…"

The End.

I'm sorry for cutting this the way I did, the ending of this…what happened to Vicky is what I was told was what Steve's last few minutes of life were like…I dedicated this to him, for friends lost and love never to be known again. Mandy and he were engaged not that long ago and their time together was cut short.

I will continue this story at a later date when I'm not quite so emotional, but I will not redo this chapter, this will stay the same I will rebuild the story from this chapter on…Steve's death has made me reevaluate everything with in my life…all that I hold dear and my priorities. Godspeed to him on his last journey in this life time and I'm glad that there was someone there with him at the end even if he wasn't a friend and even if Steve didn't know he was there…but someone was with him when he passed on and for that I am grateful for. Thank you and I'm sorry again for the dramatic turn this chapter in particular has taken…I will continue it at a later date, I can guarantee that.


End file.
